Songwriting Journal - Passion

The process of songwriting, for me, comes from a place of interpersonal exploration. Little moments with loved ones, whether frustrating or inspiring, an enticing string of words in conversation or movies or books, old memories that want to be explored – these are the things that catch a tune in my head and morph into songs. As the writing process goes along, the songs take on their own unique character and point of view, eventually bearing little resemblance to the point of inspiration, which still remains, but only as a shadow in the background.
The original inspiration for the song Passion is taken directly from conversations with my mother. I can, on occasion, be heard whining about growing up in a non-artistic household. True, there was appreciation of the arts, but since neither of my parents had artistic leanings, at least none that they acted on, they encouraged me in areas within their comfort zone (academics, athletics), and I was left to sort out the rest for myself. My efforts on stage did not go unnoticed - my father was known to swell with pride following one of my performances at school. And, I am certain that my mother did all the things moms do to support their kids in their activities, driving to and fro, buying costumes and uniforms, etc. But when it came down to it, my mother looked upon me as some sort of oddity, something outside the norm; a puzzle she knew existed but had no clue how to solve.
I think my mother was actually concerned about my path in life, and perhaps with good reason. Lawd knows show business ain’t easy. More than once she pointed out how my focus on performing arts was making my life more difficult than it need be. If only I could set aside this drive, this passion of mine, then I might have a chance at a normal and easier life. But I am who I am, and even after having children, which provided some common ground for the two of us, my work continued, and I could sense the cluck of her concern in every conversation.
My mom was certain that my drive, my passion was unique, but I disagree. I think everyone has a passion. It may involve career, a relationship, a hobby, an addiction, watching TV, or a behavior pattern that feeds some deep seated need – but we all have something. We all have a passion. So, that’s what the song Passion is about, the thing that blows you skirts up, or gets your juices flowing. Very often at live shows I’ll ask if anyone is brave enough to share his or her passion. One night, a fun lady I know announced to the room that her passion is belly dancing. So, there you have it – this song is about belly dancing, or whatever it is that lights your fire.

passion
© cheryl fare 2007

You have a passion, she said, you have a drive
But she made it sound like something dirty,
something I should hide
You have a passion, she said, well don’t we all?
To build, to eat, to breathe, to learn
Or do nothing much at all

Hmmm I think about it all the time
Hmmm I dream about it all the time
I can’t put it down, and I can’t make it fit
No matter what I do, there’s just no cure for it
Must be a passion

What is it you crave? Can you give it a name?
Does it bloom into love, or curl back into pain?
Do you use it to heal, or just cover up
the hole in your heart that never gets enough?

You have a passion, uh-huh, you have a drive
The devil voice that calls you home,
Or the angel by your side.
You have a passion, uh-huh, well don’t we all?
To build, to eat, to breathe, to learn
Or do nothing much at all

Hmmm you think about it all the time
Hmmm you dream about it all the time
you can’t put it down, and you can’t make it fit
No matter what you do, there’s just no cure for it
Must be a passion, Just a harmless passion
A yen, an itch, a passion, I can quit when I want - passion
We all got one – passion, Can’t put it down – passion
Can’t make it fit – passion, It’s just a little passion

Uppity Blues Women

Saffire, the Uppity Blues Women recently gave their final farewell concert as a group, in their hometown of Fredericksburg, VA – and I got to go! The show was held on the University of Mary Washington campus, which provided me with a trip down memory lane, since I spent 4 years studying there when it was still called a college. Although a stately college auditorium is an odd fit for blues concert, the ladies of Saffire seemed quite at home playing for a full house of friends and fans from near and far, supporters from their 25 year history, and luminaries of the blues world. In the course of the evening, the tremendous trio was showered with accolades, bouquets of flowers and thundering rounds of well-earned applause.

Over the past quarter century, Ann Rabson, Gaye Adegbalola, and Andra Faye have taken Saffire from a largely local group in Central Virginia, to an internationally respected cornerstone of acoustic blues. Their impressive talents were all in fine form on Saturday night, all three showing off their abilities on multiple instruments, as vocalists and songwriters, and performers extraordinaire. The music was naughty and raucous, at times gentle and poignant, and touched on themes ranging from domestic abuse, to odes the generous attributes of the band members, and powerful anthems of pride and power. By far the greatest achievement of Saffire seems to be not only a deep musical catalogue in acoustic blues, but also the overreaching theme of empowerment that inhabits all their work. As their songs celebrate the empowerment of women, victims of domestic abuse, people of color, homosexuals, so they empower us all through the cleansing process of enlightenment. As they go on to other musical pursuits, I hope to catch each of the Saffire ladies playing their individual brands of joyfully naughty and Uppity music.

songwriting journal - impetus & inquiry

I love to hear people’s comments about my writing. Granted, it’s not always a fun or easy moment, depending on the feedback. But when you do creative work, and share it with others, then the energy that comes back from the audience needs to be honored, just as much as the energy that brought about the work in the first place. My favorite moment is always hearing from people about their favorite moment. It lets me see how the work grows and continues to develop, even after its been performed, recorded, packaged. It makes me wonder about the listener, and how this one piece resonates with them in a meaningful way. It spurs me on to create more. Some people have a great curiosity about the creative process behind whatever moment has caught their attention. They ask where an idea came from, how it developed, and if they know me, they might ask does it have to do with this person, or that situation. I understand their curiosity, but I also want my audience to experience the work from wherever they are in the moment taking it in, rather than coloring their experience with an inkling of where I was when the work came about. So, sometimes I want to share, and sometimes not so much.

In some cases, I think my answer to curious questions would really spoil all the fun. There is one song I have recorded that has been called a favorite by some listeners. It’s a song about loss, and seems to connect with people on a variety of levels. I hope no one ever asks me about that one. My process with that song was to entertain myself by playing with one particular word in as many ways as I could. Then, I took an old melody that I wrote about 28 years ago, wrote a bridge to create some variety, and slapped it all together. Now, I’m not saying that I have no personal attachment to the song. I do. In fact, a few of the lines offer a glimpse into a particularly deep break in my heart. But overall, the songwriting process on that particular song was very clinical, and I wouldn’t want to spoil the meaning for a curious listener by getting too specific.

In other cases, I am just beginning to explore a particular theme, and have plenty more to say. I may choose to continue the thread in any number of ways. And finally, sometimes the subject matter of my work is very personal. This is, of course, one of the primary conundrums of doing creative work. On the one hand, the impetus for the work comes from deeply personal experiences; moments of meaning the artist may not yet begin to understand themselves. Then, if the work is meant to be shared, come the moments of others shining light into the dark corners, turning it this way and that, and asking how and why. Now, I do not think of myself as a deeply private person. There are not carefully constructed walls around my heart, secret pathways, or smoke and mirrors. It’s pretty much there, on my sleeve, and comes out in my writing, as I work through different levels of meaning and understanding in my life. So, I’m ok with the personal questions for the most part. And if a question does come too close, I can usually find a way to skirt around it for the moment.

What does concern me sometimes is how people I know and love will receive my work. There are times when an isolated event or particular theme is taken out, examined, spun out in a new direction, expanded, explored, prodded, twisted just to see what will happen, and what can be learned in the process. The resulting words no longer resemble what actually happened, the resulting feelings are amplified and enhanced. The words have taken their own path, and I have just followed along taking notes. So, it’s those kinds of things that can cause me to bite my lip and wonder how it all will go over. What will my husband or kids think? How about extended family, an estranged friend, or, as is often the case, an old boyfriend? In my weaker moments, these worries, combined with the wonder of modern social networking, can leave me circling around like a self-conscious tween at a middle school dance. When I’m feeling more at home in my own skin, I know that my task is to listen to intuition, allow impetus the space to unfurl, and allow inquiry to take care of itself.

For all this, I am thankful.

Songwriting Journal - History

I grew up writing songs. Secretly. In my head, in the bath, singing myself to sleep. Quietly, so no one would hear, make snarky comments, tell me I was doing it wrong, or what I should be doing instead. The first fully formed song I recall creating was when I was 11, and had a crush on my best friend’s big brother. It’s a blues song, although I have no idea where or when I may have heard the blues as a child. The only music I remember growing up with, other than Top 40 radio, is soundtracks from Disney movies. I played and played Mary Poppins and Cinderella, until I wore the grooves off the old LP. Even today, I can sing most of Mary Poppins from memory, and know for sure that a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, and shaking hands with a chimney sweep will bring you good luck.

Anyway, back to the blues, and still not sure how I knew anything of blues music. But, the song is still there, in the memory banks, waiting to be brought into the light and made relevant. It’s a pretty decent song actually, complete with the deep moan of the unrequited, and heartfelt declarations of love for a man who, at the time, must have been nothing more than an awkward pimple-faced teen. One day soon, I’ll pull that song out of my pocket, roll it around some, give it some polish, and a chance to breathe the air in the here and now.

The next phase of songwriting was in my late teens and early twenties. College life gave me the chance to meet new people, and gain some exposure to music other than what came out of the car radio. A friend came along who helped me buy my first guitar (still the one I practice and write with today), and the songs started rolling out. I recall writing songs in a variety of dorms and common rooms, pages and pages of songs exploring love of many kinds, searching, heartbreak, yearning, you name it. Most of these songs have been lost along the years - not a great loss, really. A few of the musical progressions live on; one of those has actually made it into a professionally recorded product. Perhaps more will do the same.

In 1982 I started working in theatre, found the collaborative meld of many different art forms to be endlessly fascinating, and followed that path for many years. One thing about theatre - it is all-consuming, there is little room for anything else between the hours of creation and preparation, rehearsal, performance. Things slowed down a bit when my children came along, and more still in January of 1999, when for a reason I had yet to know, I just didn’t want to do theatre any more. I still wanted to communicate with an audience, but in a different way. What I wanted to do was go back to music. So, I started working in that direction, took a guitar class, started playing with melodies and words, found a partner to work with.

I was preparing, or the universe was preparing me, but for something vastly different than what I anticipated. On a Saturday morning in August of 1999, I played my first show as a singer-songwriter. On the following Monday, I found out my daughter had a brain tumor. (Let me just cut to the chase here and say that she is doing well. Its complicated and still challenging, but no complaints here.) Through the subsequent years of challenge and reward, music kept me going. Playing music and writing songs was flexible enough to maintain in between trips to the hospital, and the level of energy needed to guide a family through this sort of thing. On a more personal level, writing songs gave me the emotional and creative release necessary to keep an even keel when things got really tough.

It has taken me 10 years to go from that first show as a singer-songwriter, to where I am now, with my first album of original songs making its way into the world. My progress has been slow, but steady nonetheless. I have learned to keep paper and pencil on hand at all times, on the bed stand, in the car, a stack of index cards tucked into my pocket to catch strings of words as they capture my attention. I have discovered the thrill of taking small moments, spinning them out this way and that to study the strong parts and weak, and pulling them in again into a song. The music composition piece is a bit harder for me, since I really need quiet time for this to happen, and quiet time is hard to come by. Nevertheless, I keep plugging along. Songwriting is a piece of what I do, along with other writing, continued work in the theatre, and most importantly, keeping things going as a wife and mom. From time to time I’ll take a minute to write about the evolution of a particular piece I have written. Perhaps from time to time you will return to read.

Musings on Merlefest 2009

Musings on Merlefest 2009

Greetings, my friends! I have just returned from Merlefest. For readers who are not aware, Merlefest is one of the premiere American roots music festivals, occurring at the end of April every year in Wilkesboro, North Carolina. Like most events of this size and scope, (and I do mean size and scope – Merlefest attendance is in the tens of thousands) it is more than just a music festival – it has a culture, a vibe, a feeling all it’s own, and is a truly mind-opening experience. As I mentioned, Merlefest is a roots music festival, and the list as their mission to present “a high quality diversified American roots based musical experience”. Now, I could quibble with the use of the term “diversified”, since the representation of roots music from continents other than Europe seems slim at best. But, it is not my goal here to pick apart the experience, so I shall let that be. My aim here is to celebrate and share all the wonderful experiences of the past few days. Now, I will share up front that, when attending Merlefest, my first wish is to be able to clone myself 10 times over, so that I could make it to all the sets I want to see. Alas, science has yet to catch up with my desires. The festival runs 4 days. I was able to make it to 2 days this year, and here is what I saw:

Friday

Scythian (www.scythianmusic.com) on the Americana stage: Caught a good chunk of one set from this band of young guys, playing a mixture of tunes with Celtic and eastern European influences. Great energy, cute young guys, lots of fun, what’s not to like?

Songwriting Workshop (with James Nash and Warren Hood from The Waybacks www.waybacks.com ) in Mayes Pit: Here’s one of my favorite things about Merlefest – the workshops. These quiet and intimate sessions offer a real glimpse into the creative process, and with the heat this year, a wonderful indoor respite from the weather. Since one of my favorite things is writing songs, I loved this opportunity to listen to a discussion on method, inspiration, getting over writing blocks, and moving from ideas into fruition.

Meandering and Shopping: Don’t think there’s only music at Merlefest. When you go, plan plenty of time to wander and take in the sights and shops, and plan for all the things you will buy when you win the lottery.

Jim Lauderdale and Friends (www.jimlauderdale.com ) on the Austin stage: Here’s a name I have seen many times on the Merlefest line-up, and I finally made it to one of his sets. No wonder he has so many friends who want to join him on stage. I love Jim’s easy and joyful temperament, and his emphasis on songwriting. If it’s country music you love, this is the guy for you.

Chris Austin Songwriting Contest on the Austin stage: Ah, yes, yet another opportunity to take in a session focused on songwriting. This contest is one of many held every year at Merlefest, giving normal folks the chance to move up to the ranks of those onstage. In fact, many a main-stager was once a contestant in one of these contests. This particular session featured the 3 finalists in each of 4 categories of songs (country, bluegrass, gospel, and “general” – hmmm…..I refer back to the diversity question). The winners in each category are then given a chance to perform at breaks on the main stage, and the runners up get slots at the songwriters’ coffee house session. So, some nicely written songs, and some decisions from the panel of judges that make you wonder, but no discussion of how these decisions were reached, so you are left wondering, and clapping your heart out for the contestants. Go songwriters!

The Duhks (www.duhks.com pronounced “ducks”) on the Hillside stage: This band is nothing short of a powerhouse of eclectic creative energy. Their music mixes all sorts of influences, from Led Zeppelin to French Canadian folk songs. When I saw them last, 2 years ago at Merlefest, they had just replaced their lead singer, and were still struggling to find their feet in new waters. Well, struggle no more! All hesitancy is gone, as lead singer Sarah Dugas has settled into the microphone with grace and style, and the band has developed a firm foundation to support their stellar musical exploration.

Donna the Buffalo (www.donnathebuffalo.com) on the Hillside stage: This band must be the finest dance band in the world for regular people without fancy moves. If you can imagine feeling warm and fuzzy, closing your eyes, and grooving along to fun and positive folk rock tunes for hours, you have imagined a Donna the Buffalo show. Now I will say that sitting and watching is not the best way to take in Donna the Buffalo. Their stage style and talk between songs does not inspire enthusiasm. But close your eyes and tune in your other senses, and you’ve got the makings for a lot of fun.

Find some Food: Merlefest features a huge food tent, with lots of choices at decent prices provided by local charities and organizations. The festival has also added smaller food venders throughout the festival grounds, making it easier to get your snack on and your drink on, not matter where you are when you need it. It is best, however, to avoid the busy times in the food tent, when the crowd can be overwhelming.

Songwriter Coffeehouse in The Lounge: (Can you tell I have an interest in songwriting?) An evening rainstorm and main stage delay for lightning made my choice for Friday evening all the easier. I love the Songwriter Coffeehouse, which alternates short intimate sets from main stage performers, with runners-up from the songwriting competition, and aspiring songwriters who have won a performance slot by entering a lottery. In past years, I have seen up close and personal performances in this venue to make my heart sing. This year was no exception, as I had my first taste of Anne and Pete Sibley – I’ll share more on them later. Unfortunately, following a short set by 2 of the Dixie Beeliners, the stage schedule got a little out of whack, and the momentum was broken, and I decided to opt for more rest over staying out the night in The Lounge.

Saturday

Vocal Workshop in Mayes Pit: The little taste of Anne and Pete Sibley on Friday night was enough to tip the scales for me on Saturday morning, and point me firmly towards the Vocal Workshop. Now, I will say that when I first visited Merlefest, maybe 8 years ago, the Vocal Workshop was nothing more than a line of musicians known for their vocals, each taking a turn leading a song. Luckily, under the firm hand of super-singer John Cowan, this session has become an informative and intriguing exploration of the divine art of singing. (In case I come off as playing favorites, I will disclose here that the gentleman and I have been known to each other as friends for many, many years ;-) you go, Cowboy!) In between fielding audience questions on a variety of vocal concerns and related topics, the panel (Anne and Pete Sibley, Cowan, and Laurelyn and Kari from the band Polecat Creek) treated us all to a few short tunes, and a sing-along of I’ll Fly Away.

John Cowan Band (www.johncowan.com) on the Creekside stage: Ahhh…..where else at Merlefest could one hope to find a Charlie Parker tune than at a JCB set? This band has evolved as the band members have revolved over the last several years, exploring the nuances of each step along the way. This version of JCB adds a full drum kit to the mix, allowing Mr. Cowan to ease up as the rhythmic center of the band, and put more energy into vocals and playful licks on the bass. The musicianship is stellar across the board, the tunes diverse, all forming the backdrop for what the audience wants the most – a big serving of soaring vocals. As expected, The Voice of Newgrass delivers, and the crowd goes wild.

The Greencards (www.thegreencards.com) on the Watson stage: I only caught part of this set, but found what I heard to be compelling in the best sort of way – a neat mixture of powerful and upbeat bluegrassy stuff, with some haunting slow numbers tossed in for good measure. I will look for opportunities to hear a full set from this band in the future.

Tift Merritt (www.tiftmerritt.com) on the Watson stage: Tift Merritt was one of the judges for the songwriting competition, so I was curious to check out her music. A nice mix of folk rock originals ensued, perhaps a little dwarfed by the Watson stage itself. (I have seen this happen before at Merlefest – bands that are accustomed to wedging themselves together on small stages take the opportunity to spread out and try to fill the expanse of the Watson. The result can be a loss of connection in live performance. You just know that when Tift has to run back and forth to talk to band mates between songs, it takes energy away from her performance, especially the vocals.) That said, I enjoyed the songs, and will be happy to listen in again some time.

Anne and Pete Sibley (www.anneandpetesibley.com) in The Lounge: For me, every Merlefest brings some musical discovery that leaves me in awe. This year, once I had a little taste of Anne and Pete Sibley, I scoured the schedule in search of an opportunity to take in a full set. An intimate setting is ideal for this duo, allowing the audience to fully take in the loving give and take of life partners making beautiful music together. Having a romantic heart makes me a sucker for this duo, who recently won the Prairie Home Companion’s Duo Competition. The vocal harmony is sublime, the songwriting achingly engaging, and the overriding sense that this couple is having a wonderful time together just enough to make you wanna cry.

The Kruger Brothers (www.krugerbrothers.com) on the Americana stage: At almost every Merlefest I have attended, I have found myself sitting at one stage, heard a huge audience roar from another stage, and checking the schedule to see who I had missed, found it was The Kruger Brothers. So this time around, I passed up on other great opportunities, and sat myself down on the grass to take in this trio combining European heritage and a passion for American music, with amazing results. Now, I’m a sucker for vocals, so I wish they would sing more, but when they do, the voices are rich and the harmony wonderful. The instrumentals have that wonderful texture that comes from knowing each other well enough to have a firm foundation, and plenty of room to stretch out in any direction. Now here’s where I could just kick myself – I left this set before it was over to check out another session. I won’t even mention the other session, as it was not my favorite. And what happened again? Once again, I heard the crowd roar. And who was it for? ……of course, The Kruger Brothers.

Docabilly – Doc Watson and Friends on the Watson stage: At previous Merlefests, I have spent many hours camped out at the Austin stage, taking in the many languages of the blues. This year, I left my yen for the blues in the capable hands of the patriarch of Merlefest, Doc Watson. Joined by a long string of musical giants, Doc effortlessly guided this delightful session through vintage country, rock, blues, and hillbilly tunes, topped off by a touching tribute to the namesake of the festival, Merle Watson. Good plain fun, all around.

Pat Donohue (www.patdonohue.com) on the Cabin Stage: It’s always a welcome relief at the end of a busy festival day, to settle in at the main stage, and take in the great rotation of talent back and forth between the Watson and the Cabin stages. After years of hearing Garrison Keillor introduce audiences to “Mr. Pat Donohue”, what fun to take in a solo set from a whiz of finger picking guitar. The mixture of Chet Atkins inspired licks, and originals with a playful sense of humor, was a good and informal fun for a big festival audience.

Emmylou Harris ( www.emmylouharris.com) on the Watson stage: When I grow up, I would like to be just like Emmylou Harris. Making beautiful music, carrying herself with confident grace, proudly announcing herself as a grandmother, and wearing her natural hair – Emmylou makes being a grandma truly cool. With a deep catalog of music from which to pull, Emmylou delivered on songs from her most recent release, all the way back to, as she put it, a song that hit the charts when she was “still a brunette”. My favorite Emmylou collection, Red Dirt Girl, with its haunting themes and sound, was well represented, so I was a happy festival camper.

Happy, but tired – not being as young as I used to be, Emmylou was the last full set of my Merlefest 2009. As I slowly made my exit, timed to avoid the crush for the lines to the shuttle buses, I heard a bit of David Bromberg and Angel Band. No one can do the anguished and angry jilted man like David Bromberg. And Sam Bush, a true giant of Americana music, and a fine showman overall….I have seen Sam Bush perform many times, and enjoyed them all. I took in the rest of this set over Merlefest radio, on my drive back to the hotel room, to lay down my weary and well-satisfied head.

Check out festival downloads and information at www.merlefest.org.